Quality Time with Siblings
Quality Time with Siblings
I have a small comment/question!!! What do you do to get your siblings to give you that [quality] time (especially on a boring slow day)?? —Blythe
Another good question, Blythe! I'm afraid you are going to get a very long answer! I hope you don't mind. :)
The first thing we girls must realize is that if we are going to successfully initiate "quality time" with our siblings we need to do things they want, not necessarily always what we want. And usually different siblings need different things. Here are examples from my own family of what one can do with siblings of different genders and personalities:
I have one brother who has proven to me that it can be manly to take tea; he enjoys our tea- and story-time and I enjoy doing that with him. My oldest brother drops in now and then, but tea parties really aren't his "thing." He prefers to talk with me, dance folk dances with me, or just have me come over and observe his latest paper-soldier formations (I really need to work on doing the latter with more enthusiasm!) My youngest sister hates dancing; she loves to have me walk her to a nearby butterfly garden to sketch flowers. My two littlest brothers will sketch and they try to dance and sit still at tea parties, but what they really enjoy is playing "cowboys and injuns" outside. This week I took my littlest brother outside with his little plastic cowboy and indian people (away from the computer!). We organized a little settlement in the "woods" of the uncut grass, and set up an Indian camp in the shelter of the ferns. I was surprised by how much fun I had! I get strange looks, though, when my brother tells visitors that his "sister Samy teaches me how to play cowboys and injuns!"
And... all of my siblings love to have books read aloud. I am always looking for a good book or poem to read to an always appreciative audience. The individual siblings who listen to me vary according to the genre/ level of the book. For example, I read Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel to the 3-7 boys, Freddy the Detective to the 9-12 brother/sister, and Leave it to Psmith to my 12+ siblings (that book was so much fun, that we're going to read it again!) Oh, and when I need something for everyone, Winnie the Pooh does very well. ;) If that sounds boring to you siblings, you may need to choose an especially exciting book for the first one (try an adventure or mystery)... or, maybe you need to improve your delivery. Change your voice for different characters, experiment with different accents, and, if you're reading to little one, a few dramatic gestures will usually get some laughs.
I don't know who your siblings are or what their age range is, but hopefully that will give you some suggestions on the variety of things you can do with your brother and sisters!
About "boring, slow days" in particular.... I know what you mean. Headaches and lethargy abound! This is especially true in the afternoon, when the vigor of the morning chores/ schoolwork is done, you have a few hours of free time, and your blood sugar is a little low. My siblings walk around aimlessly, and it seems to me (their frustrated sister) that all they can think to do is sit in front of the computer! Sometimes, I'll have an idea and I'll bring it up only to get these responses (usually followed by a hearty sigh): "I'm too tired." "I don't feel like doing anything." "I don't want to do that." "I'm going to ask Mama if I can play on the computer!" Arggg!
Usually, I'm feeling rather listless myself, and, especially after such disheartening refusals, it's a little easier for me to "putter around" than to actually do something. Here is my personal plan of attack:
Step #1: Get myself awake and motivated. I'll take a brisk walk around the house or mix up a peppermint foot-rub or... best of all... I'll put on some brisk music, put the timer on for ten minutes, and tidy up the house as best I can in that time. All my siblings think it hugely entertaining to watch me rushing madly around the house and they call it "The President's coming!" Even when no one joins me (a sister sometimes will because usually she too is feeling a little depressed), the bustle and the resulting tidiness really improves and energizes the entire atmosphere.
Step #2: Get the others motivated. I find that when I myself am motivated my movements are (for lack of a better word) bouncier, my voice more cheerful, and my demeanor more vibrant. I smile, I laugh, I joke, I keep busy. Sometimes that is enough to get others to do the same. After all, how would your mood be affected if you were working alongside someone dressed sloppily, with slurring speech, lazy movements, and an apathetic mood? Now, how about someone dressed nicely, with cheerful voice, decisive movements, and a chipper mood? (Edith Schaeffer writes that each of us is an "Environment" and we can be whatever environment we would like to be for other people.)
If this is not enough, the others may need a little coaxing. Consider the following possible approaches.
Scenario 1#: "Do you want to come to the park?" "No, that's too much work, and I am tired! [heavy sigh]" Every suggestion meets with a grumbled excuse as to why he doesn't want to do... anything. Finally you give up, frustrated and now thoroughly bored with the whole idea of spending time with these people.
Scenario 2#: You don't ask anyone to do anything. Instead, go to the kitchen and bake a batch of cookies. The good smell lures someone in to investigate. "Hurray! Snickerdoodles! Can I have some?" "I was going to take them to the park with some lemonade. Want to come with me? We can take our bikes." "Oh, good, I'll take my sketchbook." (Sometimes it might be a hesitant "Aaaalriiight" with a hungry look at the cooling cookies. But once they start actually getting ready to leave, the enthusiasm strikes them!) Now we have two people excited about an outing. It's pretty contagious. Soon, we have a whole caravan of bikes on the way to the park.
Do you see the difference it the scenario? Sometimes, it doesn't help to ask other people if they want to do something, especially on a slow, boring day. Sometimes you just have to make that choice easier by having everything (or most of it) ready. Trust me, I have never set up a tea party or park outing and found myself lacking eager participants!
Here's another possible (true) scenario that might help you recognize opportunities to spend quality time with siblings.
Lately, Littlest Sister has been having a hard time with her schoolwork; she pressures herself to get a lot done and this results in general crankiness and occasional break-downs. We sisters do our best to help her with her schoolwork, but there comes a time when we look at each other knowingly. "She needs some tea." (I know, we're slightly obsessed with tea parties, so bear with me. I am sure you all can think of alternatives.) We put the kettle on, spread the "tea tablecloth," put on a beautiful string quartet CD, and sprinkle some soothing lavender scent around the room (I told you that using fragrance truly works to change our moods!) We invite Littlest Sister to tea. She usually requires some coaxing, and sometime we have to begin without her. In the latter scenario, she eventually meanders over, after washing the tears from her face. At first she might act bored or cranky, but Next Sister and I talk very cheerily and use some trademark banter, and soon enough Littlest Sister has joined us and we make a very merry party. When we have drained the pot (yes, we all have second servings), Littlest Sister (and all of us) are refreshed and ready to tackle the day's work/ problem with new spirit.
Oh, look at all those words, Blythe! I hope I wasn't too long-winded! ;) I could have been succinct and just said: "If you are excited about doing something and willing to pull it together, the others will be bound to join you. (If they don't you might need to change the activity!)"
If anyone has other ideas, please let us know!
COMMENT ON THIS POST BY SENDING AN EMAIL TO THE HANDMAIDEN.
STEPHANIE said...
Thank you for this advice! I too have found that when I am enthusiastic about something, my siblings will join in eventually. Although, they don’t need much encouragement to spend time with me. :-) The girls never turn down an opportunity for a tea party, and the little boys love being read to. Also, Stevie’s love language is actually quality time, so he’s always asking me to play a game of chess, read, or play a board game with him.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009 03:45 PM
HANDMAIDEN said...
Thank you for sharing, Stephanie! Aren’t we blessed to enjoy such wonderful relationships with our siblings? “How good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.” [Psalm 133:1]
Thursday, June 11, 2009 04:03 PM
ANONYMOUS said...
Good words—thank you for writing them. Now ‘tis my turn to have fun applying them!
Monday, August 31, 2009 08:34 PM
LITTLEST SISTER said...
So true! Now it is our turn.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010 07:08 PM
Tuesday, June 9, 2009