The first command of Christ’s educational code is “Offend not.” An offense is literally a stumbling block. We are careful to remove obstacles from the toddling steps of the baby, but how else might we cause these little ones to stumble? For example, has inconsistent discipline misled the infant’s uninformed sense of right and wrong?
We offend children in their physical life when we disregard the laws of health. We offend them in their intellectual lives when dawdling lessons destroy their love for learning. We offend them in their moral lives when we neglect their need to receive and express love.
Favorite Quote
I had a lightbulb moment when I read this (about how children come to disregard the mother’s ‘no’): “The child has learned to believe that he has nothing to overcome but his mother’s disinclination; if she choose to let him do this or that, there is no reason why she should not; he can make her choose to let him do the thing forbidden, and then he may do it.”
Cross Reference
related passages from other educational volumes by Mason
The following excerpt from Mason’s paper “Concerning Children as ‘Persons’” is from a longer passage explaining that a mother may secure obedience from her child by recognizing that she herself is to live under law. (Read more HERE.)
Now the parent who is not aware that he is living in a law-ordered world, that he has to “eat the fruit of his thoughts” as well as that of his words and actions, is unable to get obedience from his child. He believes that it rests with him to say what the child may do or leave undone; and as he does not claim papal infallibility, his children find out soon enough that the ordering of their lives is in their own hands, and that a little persistence will get them ‘leave‘ to do what is good in their own eyes. The parent, the mother especially, who holds that her children‘s rule of life must be, ”children obey your parents for it is right” certainly secures obedience, as she secures personal cleanliness, or proper habits at table, because she has a strong sense of the importance of these things. As her reward, she gains for her child the liberty of a free man, who is not under bondage to his own willfulness nor the victim of his own chance desires.
The corresponding principles of liberty and law are central to Charlotte Mason’s philosophy. It would be impossible to gather all her quotes on the topic, but her book Parents and Children would be a good place to start.
Study Questions
1.Distinguish between ‘offending’ and ‘despising’ children.
The first is a commission, the second an omission. To offend the child is to do that against the child which should not be done; to despise him is to fail to give the respect due to him as a person. They are distinct problems but not mutually exclusive.
2.What is to be said of parents whose children have ‘no sense of ought’?
“Heaven help parents and children when it comes to that!” [C.M.]
3.Trace the steps by which a mother’s ‘no’ comes to be disregarded.
A mother says ‘no,’ but a child finds that wheedling or tantrums can convince a mother to say ‘yes’ instead. He learns that he must only gain his mother’s whimsical permission to do as he likes. The next thought is logical enough: If his mother chooses because she can (and not because there is an objective must guiding her decisions), why should he not choose when he can?—when his will proves strong enough? Their relationship becomes a contest; the child single-mindedly battling for his will, and the distracted mother often capitulating. A mother’s ‘no’ becomes a thing to be disregarded by being overcome.
4.Why must parents themselves be law-compelled?
If parents are not themselves law-compelled, then by what right can they require their children, who are persons, to obey them? (This is something recognized by secular ‘child’s rights’ activists. The parental jurisdiction is itself governed by God; if the parent denies God’s law over his own life, where does he receive authority over his children?)
5.Show that parents may offend their children by disregarding the law of health.
We offend the child, when, by disregarding the laws of health (natural laws God established for our bodies), we foster physical and even mental weaknesses in our children. (A mother should take pains to educate herself on this aspect of her child’s well-being; ignorance was not a plea that impressed Mason.) Even when children are grown and make their own health choices, they will have to struggle with poor habits instilled while they were still young and the responsibility of their parents.
6.By disregarding the laws of the intellectual life.
We offend the child’s intellectual life by destroying their love for learning. We propel children through “dreary, dawdling lessons,” and they are left with a life-long aversion to learning and mental effort.
7.Of the moral life.
The moral life of children is offended when we “nip the buds of childish love.” Parents who use “worldly maxims and motives” to quench a child’s loving impulses towards others, teaches the child to neglect that love for his neighbor which is the “fulfilling of the law.” (Romans 13:10) Worse than this is when a child’s need to receive and express love finds no satisfaction in his own family, as with parental favoritism. A parent’s love forms the child’s first impressions of love, and a parent’s failure to demonstrate unconditional love (in giving more attention to the smarter, prettier, more promising sibling) is a serious stumbling block to the neglected child’s ability to understand, accept, and practice love.
Read more under the heading “Personal Notes.”
As I wrote summaries for each of the last three questions, I was struck by how stunted these “offended children” are, how little they enjoy of the fulness of life. I am convicted to do all I am able (through God’s grace) to prevent stumbling blocks, that the children may pursue health, learning, and love with unbroken strides.
Personal Notes
A young child first learns God’s Love in the love of his father and mother—in their provision, care, responsiveness, and affection. (God is our Abba father [Galatians 4:6] and even our nursing mother [Isaiah 66:12-13]; he presents himself to us as a parent.) Parents who do not demonstrate unconditional love to their children blunt that child’s ability to understand and accept the God who is Love (I John 4:8).
While thinking about how a parent’s love forms the child’s first impressions of love, I was reminded of a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (a contemporary of Charlotte Mason). In this beautiful little passage from Aurora Leigh, we learn how a mother teaches her little child to “become aware and unafraid of Love.”
Women know
The way to rear up children (to be just).
They know a simple, merry, tender knack
Of tying sashes, fitting baby-shoes,
And stringing pretty words that make no sense,
And kissing full sense into empty words;
Which things are corals to cut life upon,
Although such trifles: children learn by such
Love’s holy earnest in pretty play,
And get not over-early solemnized,—
But seeing, as in a rose bush, Love’s Divine,
Which burns and hurts not,—not a single bloom,—
Become aware and unafraid of Love.
Such good do mothers.
Personal Application
•Continue my studies in education and health, so that I can apply what I learn about how the body and mind work best. Read and study the Scriptures continually so that I can better understand the Lord who quickens our spirits.
Resources
“But whoso shall offend one of these little ones...” Matthew 18:6-9
“Concerning Children as ‘Persons’: Liberty versus Various Forms of Tyranny.” Charlotte Mason.
Other Home Education Commentaries
Becoming Three: Charlotte Mason Volume I Part I.III Offending the Children
House of Five: Charlotte Mason on Offending the Children
Sparrow Tree Square: Charlotte Mason Monday Part 9 and Part 10
Next Time...
In the next section, Charlotte Mason takes up the second commandment in the ‘Gospel code of education’—Despise Not.
Offend Not [HE/1.4]
Friday, March 23, 2012
I am rereading Home Education, the first in Charlotte Mason’s six-volume series on her theory and method of education. This time I will expand my reading by narration and personal notes—guided by the study questions provided in the appendix.
You are welcome to join me! Mason’s complete series is available for free online reading at Ambleside Online. I’d love to read your thoughts in a comment or email.